Failure

When I (re)started this blog in April I set out my stall with a number of words and ideas that I might return to to reflect on further. I knew, at some time, I would have to consider 'failure' and now seems a good a time as any to deal with it.

First of all I am a failure - I didn't win, sorry to disappoint anyone.

I completed the Great West Run in 2 hours and 19 minutes, I hoped to achieve 2:10 or beat my best of 2:16. I failed to get to my goal, I failed to get to my pb. Then come the excuses: it was a wonderful day, I have the sunburn to prove it, but very hot to run in. I think I also drank too much beforehand and had to make a quick stop at Pinhoe Road Baptist church much to the surprise of the steward who escorted me to their facilities and back on my way. This definitely made a difference to my time. I actually took twice as long as the winner, but maybe those are excuses.

I suppose before I assign the word 'failure' to my run or indeed myself I really should reflect upon what it means and what it is I am trying to achieve. I will never forget Mark Wakelin talking about 'the language of strategy' and his distinction between 'outputs' and 'outcomes'. Essentially outputs are within your direct control, outcomes are more reliant on others. It means you can set your goal 'outcome' and then undertake a number of activities, outputs, in order to try to achieve it.

Actually my goal (outcome) was never to win the race, nor was it to beat my PB or do 2:10; my goal is to see what it is like to train for a marathon, to do the things that a person needs to do to prepare themselves for such a thing, various outputs: regular training, diet, sleep, cross training, increasingly longer runs, mental prep, discipline etc. These are my outputs, and within my control and I am doing these things!

My goal is not to run faster but to run further, I am getting better at this, it is hard, but I can do it and I am trying.

To say that I failed in any way this weekend is actually a complete misrepresentation, maybe real failure is not even trying and that is not me, I really am trying. I actually came 1399th and they even gave me a medal. Below is a picture of four of us from the good number that entered from Wonford Methodist church, all finishing. May I pay special tribute to my good friend Bill Noronha, who despite painful cramps and only recently taking up running finished his 13.1 mile journey - Bill you are amazing and an inspiration.

                                                             Susan, Bill, Mark, Sharon


So I have dealt with failure. I will set out my goal (outcomes) and not make them too low, and I will do my part (outputs) in attempting to achieve them. Perhaps most of all I will stop assigning the word 'failure' too readily , for its fear does not lighten the load. Instead I will take that which is within my grasp and keep applying it, keep trying, knowing that in doing so, failure is, by my new definition, impossible.