If you are like me then you too would have struggled with trying to understand some of the recent news stories; Jalcinta Saldanha's untimely, and desperately sad, death seems to be beyond comprehension. We then get the appalling news of Sandy Hook school and the massacre of innocents. It seems to me these things are beyond words and beyond comprehension.
I am not sure whether 'blame' is really helpful either - it just doesn't undo what was done, it doesn't put any of the terrible wrongs right. Be it: gun laws, school security, prank calls, or how an employer treats its staff - all of these things are of significance but I am not sure whether understanding is really to be had here.
I think the thing that concerns me, the thing that I keep coming back to, is the role of the media in all of this and then, perhaps the bigger question, the thirst we, the general public, have for 'stories'. We could blame the newspapers for following the minutiae of Kate's pregnancy, yet it is we who buy newspapers. Perhaps when it comes to the heinous acts in Newtown, Connecticut the issue is even more insidious, the possibility that perpetrators want to make a name for themselves so that they will be remembered. As I read reports and listen to the radio there seems to be a suggestion, (and maybe nothing new), that 'news' does not just report events but acts as a catalyst to provoke them. Again I am not sure blame is helpful here but what are we to do?
I have not named the gunman, I do not want to remember his name, I will not buy newspapers going into every detail, I will not buy the book or watch the film that they may or not make about it (yes books and films are made about such things.
What can I do? I cannot remember the names of all those who died but I will remember at least one name, so I will try to remember Victoria Soto, the 27 year old teacher who hid the children, she taught, and persuaded the gunmen to look elsewhere, thus sacrificing her own life. And I will mourn with her family and all those who mourn, and thank God that in the darkest places there are those who are willing to stand up and be counted regardless of the cost. It is this story, this news item that I want to hear about.
Sunday 16 December 2012
Wednesday 5 December 2012
After the rain - the rainbow
After my trip up country and the slightly earlier return through central England, a place that resembled either a swamp or a lake, I returned to Exeter and then to Cranbrook to enquire as to any flood issues. It has been said that this new town was built on a flood plain. Well if it has the flood defences have worked very well, for although some local towns very sadly had some serious issues, I am delighted to say that at Cranbrook I saw none, yes there were puddles and pools of water but none of these seemed to impinge adversely on the buildings in any discernible way - this is good!
But it keeps raining and yesterday as I was on my way to the school I saw this, so I stopped and took a picture with my phone (they say that the best camera is the one you have in your hand).
Rainbows have played quite a part in my story, I remember the one over Avonmouth bridge as we travelled to Exeter for the first time more than ten years ago. I also remember the one in Loughborough when I was ordained. Of course, in the Bible they are seen as a sign of God's covenant with the earth and its people. As I was taking my picture I engaged with a lady who had also stopped her car and got out to take a picture with a 'proper' camera. I am not sure whether she shared my faith perspective but she, like me saw this bow in the sky as a thing of beauty, something to stop for and enjoy the sense of awe and mystery that it evokes.
As we prepare to move to Cranbrook there is a real sense of the presence of God before us and behind us, the rainbow was lovely in this respect reminding me again of this ancient story of God's eternal promise and presence. I don't want to be arrogant but us moving to Cranbrook 'feels right', there is a clarity that is as clear as the rainbow in the sky - I really do feel this way!
But here is the interesting bit; there is more than one bow in this picture, the second is less obvious and less clear, a 'shadow' of the first. Although we see (without arrogance) God's hand in our move to Cranbrook there is something else, something more behind, something yet to be encountered or discovered, a second promise.
But it keeps raining and yesterday as I was on my way to the school I saw this, so I stopped and took a picture with my phone (they say that the best camera is the one you have in your hand).
Rainbows have played quite a part in my story, I remember the one over Avonmouth bridge as we travelled to Exeter for the first time more than ten years ago. I also remember the one in Loughborough when I was ordained. Of course, in the Bible they are seen as a sign of God's covenant with the earth and its people. As I was taking my picture I engaged with a lady who had also stopped her car and got out to take a picture with a 'proper' camera. I am not sure whether she shared my faith perspective but she, like me saw this bow in the sky as a thing of beauty, something to stop for and enjoy the sense of awe and mystery that it evokes.As we prepare to move to Cranbrook there is a real sense of the presence of God before us and behind us, the rainbow was lovely in this respect reminding me again of this ancient story of God's eternal promise and presence. I don't want to be arrogant but us moving to Cranbrook 'feels right', there is a clarity that is as clear as the rainbow in the sky - I really do feel this way!
But here is the interesting bit; there is more than one bow in this picture, the second is less obvious and less clear, a 'shadow' of the first. Although we see (without arrogance) God's hand in our move to Cranbrook there is something else, something more behind, something yet to be encountered or discovered, a second promise.
Wednesday 21 November 2012
It never rains but it pours (again)
Today I travelled slightly over 100 miles, all in torrential rain. I met one person in a garden centre (after three years they still don't have any community buildings) - the sound of the rain on the roof meant we had to raise our voices -VERY loudly!
Again I met three brilliant people and three excellent projects. But there was an issue with all of them and something that has been hammered home to me on this trip; the projects are funded for 5 years but there is no way that any of them (nor mine) is likely to be self funding within that 5 years. I had a hunch that this was the case and part of the reason that I had already said that I believe Cranbrook to be a 10-15 year project. This is sobering but means that I can plan accordingly; managing expectations is key so that the we are not rushed and can build on solid ground with properly measures milestones.
What has impressed me hugely again today is the absolute trust that people have in God and how that trust sustains and motivates them. They modify their homes, their finances and their lives to serve their community - again it is the forming of relationships and making genuine friends that allows faith to be shared - people respond to generosity- I know because I have been on the recieving end of that generosity today.
I have had a few twinges of guilt also today. The groundwork that has been done to prepare me for Cranbrook, the infrastructure of building avaiable, the timing of my appointment - right at the beginning, the response of people living there and about to move in and the huge benefit of having such a brilliant school and headmistress to work with have given me a brilliant start. Many of these things, on many of the projects just arn't there. I feel a little guilty but also feel again that God's has already 'poured' his blessing on the work that I have been asked to do.
Because of the rain and the fact that many local roads around Northampton and in Somerset and Devon are closed I may miss by final visit tomorrow and instead return home in the daylight. I was to visit Cambourne tomorrow so I have just rung the minister to explain my predicament. His is one of the most sucessful church plants and after talking to him I can see that he is part of the reason - he is an encourager and it was an encouraging conversation. The other reason is that he was allowed ten years to make his project fully viable and was there from the very beginning and sponsored by a variety of denominations. Ths sounds so much like Cranbrook and so much like what I am being asked to do. So again I am grateful to the God who has gone before me, thankful for those who have already joined me and are about to, I am also relieved that I will only be driving 250 miles instead of 350 and should get home before nightfall if the floods allow.
Again I met three brilliant people and three excellent projects. But there was an issue with all of them and something that has been hammered home to me on this trip; the projects are funded for 5 years but there is no way that any of them (nor mine) is likely to be self funding within that 5 years. I had a hunch that this was the case and part of the reason that I had already said that I believe Cranbrook to be a 10-15 year project. This is sobering but means that I can plan accordingly; managing expectations is key so that the we are not rushed and can build on solid ground with properly measures milestones.
What has impressed me hugely again today is the absolute trust that people have in God and how that trust sustains and motivates them. They modify their homes, their finances and their lives to serve their community - again it is the forming of relationships and making genuine friends that allows faith to be shared - people respond to generosity- I know because I have been on the recieving end of that generosity today.
I have had a few twinges of guilt also today. The groundwork that has been done to prepare me for Cranbrook, the infrastructure of building avaiable, the timing of my appointment - right at the beginning, the response of people living there and about to move in and the huge benefit of having such a brilliant school and headmistress to work with have given me a brilliant start. Many of these things, on many of the projects just arn't there. I feel a little guilty but also feel again that God's has already 'poured' his blessing on the work that I have been asked to do.
Because of the rain and the fact that many local roads around Northampton and in Somerset and Devon are closed I may miss by final visit tomorrow and instead return home in the daylight. I was to visit Cambourne tomorrow so I have just rung the minister to explain my predicament. His is one of the most sucessful church plants and after talking to him I can see that he is part of the reason - he is an encourager and it was an encouraging conversation. The other reason is that he was allowed ten years to make his project fully viable and was there from the very beginning and sponsored by a variety of denominations. Ths sounds so much like Cranbrook and so much like what I am being asked to do. So again I am grateful to the God who has gone before me, thankful for those who have already joined me and are about to, I am also relieved that I will only be driving 250 miles instead of 350 and should get home before nightfall if the floods allow.
Tuesday 20 November 2012
From the sublime...
The last 24 hours have been so busy, more than 300 miles travelled, caught up with some great friends in Banbury last night, visited 3 inspiring new towns with 3 new churches and then in the driving rain on the way to my hotel I listened to the results of the Anglican synod. In some ways the last 24 hours have been sublime and I do not want to call the synod's vote ridiculous but I am astounded and desperately disappointed not just for friends in the church of England, who deserve better, but for the church as a whole. The synod is spoken of as 'discerning God's will' - how often do we as men and women inadvertantly or purposefully stand in the way of the very thing we are meant to stand for?
On the radio one disappointed female vicar said that all she could do now was get on with the work on the ground, at local level, celebrate and enjoy what God is doing at the grass roots.
Today my three visits have allowed me to do just that, celebrate the things that the church does do well and so often that has little to do with systems and laws and bishops and everything to do with people and relationships.
I have learnt so much today, I have seen the church respond to immediate needs, real lives and situations.I have seen the ordained and the lay work with a shared vision, working together and with purpose. I have seen persistence in the face of difficulty, people giving generously of their time and money to work for something they believe in - those beliefs are crucial, they feed and sustain them, they are about community and a deep love of people and most importantly a deep love of a God who wants us to share the love that we have encountered in him. This is nothing new and everything new, a reminder of calling and purpose, my feeling that my ministry and my calling of 'blessed to be a blessing' is affirmed and re-encouraged.
So it HAS been a day of the 'sublime and... the deeply disappointing' - I, like many of my disappointed Anglican colleagues, will get up tomorrow and carry on trying to be the men and women God hs called us to be - I am both excited and daunted by that and greatly looking forward to finding out about what God is doing in three more projects tomorrow.
On the radio one disappointed female vicar said that all she could do now was get on with the work on the ground, at local level, celebrate and enjoy what God is doing at the grass roots.
Today my three visits have allowed me to do just that, celebrate the things that the church does do well and so often that has little to do with systems and laws and bishops and everything to do with people and relationships.
I have learnt so much today, I have seen the church respond to immediate needs, real lives and situations.I have seen the ordained and the lay work with a shared vision, working together and with purpose. I have seen persistence in the face of difficulty, people giving generously of their time and money to work for something they believe in - those beliefs are crucial, they feed and sustain them, they are about community and a deep love of people and most importantly a deep love of a God who wants us to share the love that we have encountered in him. This is nothing new and everything new, a reminder of calling and purpose, my feeling that my ministry and my calling of 'blessed to be a blessing' is affirmed and re-encouraged.
So it HAS been a day of the 'sublime and... the deeply disappointing' - I, like many of my disappointed Anglican colleagues, will get up tomorrow and carry on trying to be the men and women God hs called us to be - I am both excited and daunted by that and greatly looking forward to finding out about what God is doing in three more projects tomorrow.
Sunday 18 November 2012
Panoramic thinking
Jostein Gaarder (the Danish philosopher and writer or children's books) once said, and I paraphrase:
'Some people go into the world to find out as much as they can about as many things as they
can; whereas some people stay in the same place and find out as much as they can about one
thing'
It is funny that many cameras are made these days with huge zooms to get really close to a subject and see it in all its detail, this is fun and a useful ability I have enjoyed, taking pictures of the moon and distant birds. As I have started to enjoy my new camera though I have started to think about standing back, as far as I can, to get as wide a view as possible. The picture below cheats, I took it with my phone in 'panoramic mode' I take a series of pictures that is stitches together, sometimes more successfully than others.
As we have left Wonford and Lympstone Sharon and I have been talking recently of being 'displaced' from our usual places of worship, our usual gathering of friends, the usual structures of our lives - places, patterns and people we have been involved in for ten years; a situation and a context that we have gotten to know really well, much like the second person in Gaarder's observation. We are aware that, as we move and settle in Cranbrook that we will do this again, that there will be another location that we will settle, people that we will get to know - time to invest in the detail and specifics again.
For the moment though it seems we are in a liminal place, a place between, a time for 'wide-angled' thinking, a time to stand back and look at the big picture.
So next week I am doing a mini tour of England - well actually I am visiting seven sites where new towns are emerging or have emerged, largely green field, and where particular persons have been asked to start 'church'. This is my way of gathering information so as not to repeat mistakes nor to try and reinvent the wheel, I see it as a season of waiting, of gathering, of readying, a time to think outside the box before moving inside the situation, a time to be strategic.
Like Gaarder's first person I hope to go out and discover lots of things about lots of different places so that I may return, ready and equipped, to focus on what God is calling me, and those who join me to 'settle' on.
So here is my itinerary:
Tues 20th
9.15-11.15 Grange Park – Northampton http://www.grangeparkchurch.com/
12.15-2.15 Mawsley http://www.freshexpressions.org.uk/stories/mawsley
3.15 - 5.15 Stevenage http://www.greatashbycc.org.uk/pdf/100612Notices.pdf
Weds 21st
10.00-12.00 Northampton http://www.berrywoodchurch.org.uk/about-us/who-we-are/
2.00-4.00 Wixams http://www.wixamschurch.org.uk/contact-us/
5.00-7.00 Wooten wellspring http://woottonfields-wellspring.co.uk/
Thurs 22nd
10-12.30 Cambourne http://www.cambournechurch.org.uk/
'Some people go into the world to find out as much as they can about as many things as they
can; whereas some people stay in the same place and find out as much as they can about one
thing'
It is funny that many cameras are made these days with huge zooms to get really close to a subject and see it in all its detail, this is fun and a useful ability I have enjoyed, taking pictures of the moon and distant birds. As I have started to enjoy my new camera though I have started to think about standing back, as far as I can, to get as wide a view as possible. The picture below cheats, I took it with my phone in 'panoramic mode' I take a series of pictures that is stitches together, sometimes more successfully than others.
As we have left Wonford and Lympstone Sharon and I have been talking recently of being 'displaced' from our usual places of worship, our usual gathering of friends, the usual structures of our lives - places, patterns and people we have been involved in for ten years; a situation and a context that we have gotten to know really well, much like the second person in Gaarder's observation. We are aware that, as we move and settle in Cranbrook that we will do this again, that there will be another location that we will settle, people that we will get to know - time to invest in the detail and specifics again.
For the moment though it seems we are in a liminal place, a place between, a time for 'wide-angled' thinking, a time to stand back and look at the big picture.
So next week I am doing a mini tour of England - well actually I am visiting seven sites where new towns are emerging or have emerged, largely green field, and where particular persons have been asked to start 'church'. This is my way of gathering information so as not to repeat mistakes nor to try and reinvent the wheel, I see it as a season of waiting, of gathering, of readying, a time to think outside the box before moving inside the situation, a time to be strategic.
Like Gaarder's first person I hope to go out and discover lots of things about lots of different places so that I may return, ready and equipped, to focus on what God is calling me, and those who join me to 'settle' on.
So here is my itinerary:
Tues 20th
9.15-11.15 Grange Park – Northampton http://www.grangeparkchurch.com/
12.15-2.15 Mawsley http://www.freshexpressions.org.uk/stories/mawsley
3.15 - 5.15 Stevenage http://www.greatashbycc.org.uk/pdf/100612Notices.pdf
Weds 21st
10.00-12.00 Northampton http://www.berrywoodchurch.org.uk/about-us/who-we-are/
2.00-4.00 Wixams http://www.wixamschurch.org.uk/contact-us/
5.00-7.00 Wooten wellspring http://woottonfields-wellspring.co.uk/
Thurs 22nd
10-12.30 Cambourne http://www.cambournechurch.org.uk/
Friday 9 November 2012
All packed up with no place to go...
Well the title is slightly misleading, actually we have now packed just over 40 boxes (out of 120) and we do have a place to go but it has been delayed, so we wait.
It is strange packing after living in a place for ten years. The process of sifting, sorting, dumping, recycling and selling is one that takes time and with every new box a new memory, opened up and then packed away again or with 7 trips to the recycling centre and 6 trips to the charity shop, disposed of.
Perhaps the most difficult and baffling box of 'stuff' for me has to be my old LPs (for those too young to remember like CDs but black and much bigger!). I have a signed album by Gary Numan, I have everything by Japan - it was when I heard this band play that I wanted to play bass because the sound of Mick Karn's bass playing was so mesmerising. I have my first single 'Pop Music' by 'M', I have a record Sharon bought me on our wedding day and my first CD, again a present from Sharon along with a CD player when we were married only a couple of years. The weird thing is that I have not opened these boxes (yes there are several boxes!) since we moved from Bristol. They have been of no actual use in our ten years in Exeter and I am taking them lock stock and barrel with me to Cranbrook.
Now I was determined to go through a sorting process but with everything else to do I baulked at that, it just seemed too hard and so I am keeping them all, even records that I no longer like - Adam and the Ants, Wham, Bad Manners etc! Now although I have not yet decided to dispose of any of them there is a change in my feelings towards them. Twenty years ago they would have been my most treasured possessions yet now I could be persuaded to sell most of them and dump many without much worry.
As a Christian I am all too aware of the idea of 'new life', Jesus tells a man he can be born again and Paul talks of the 'new life' a person finds when they decide to follow Jesus. This was an experience I had 30 years ago (I was 46 this week) when I decided to become a Christian at the age of 16. For me there was much 'unpacking' of what this means and as I journey on trying to follow Jesus there is still much 'unpacking' of meaning and understanding.
The idea of a 'new life' suggests the idea of an 'old' one, aspects of our lives that we are not helpful, that we are not proud of or want to move on from, stuff 'packed away' or 'boxed up'. To take the example of my study and garage if I gather too many boxes then both places will become uninhabitable, not fit for their purpose or intention. So there is a place for sorting our 'stuff' and sorting the 'stuff' of out lives and deciding whether it still serves a purpose or whether it impinges on what we might be.
So as we move I will keep re-evaluating the stuff in my boxes and the stuff in my life - deciding what must be dumped and what might be recycled. I think the real key to the 'new life' that the Bible talks about though isn't focussed on what is wrong or should be disposed of but much about what new opportunities and experiences we have when we clear a bit of space, maybe this is what prayer is.
Now I think I will go through my LPs and see what can be done.
It is strange packing after living in a place for ten years. The process of sifting, sorting, dumping, recycling and selling is one that takes time and with every new box a new memory, opened up and then packed away again or with 7 trips to the recycling centre and 6 trips to the charity shop, disposed of.Perhaps the most difficult and baffling box of 'stuff' for me has to be my old LPs (for those too young to remember like CDs but black and much bigger!). I have a signed album by Gary Numan, I have everything by Japan - it was when I heard this band play that I wanted to play bass because the sound of Mick Karn's bass playing was so mesmerising. I have my first single 'Pop Music' by 'M', I have a record Sharon bought me on our wedding day and my first CD, again a present from Sharon along with a CD player when we were married only a couple of years. The weird thing is that I have not opened these boxes (yes there are several boxes!) since we moved from Bristol. They have been of no actual use in our ten years in Exeter and I am taking them lock stock and barrel with me to Cranbrook.
Now I was determined to go through a sorting process but with everything else to do I baulked at that, it just seemed too hard and so I am keeping them all, even records that I no longer like - Adam and the Ants, Wham, Bad Manners etc! Now although I have not yet decided to dispose of any of them there is a change in my feelings towards them. Twenty years ago they would have been my most treasured possessions yet now I could be persuaded to sell most of them and dump many without much worry.
As a Christian I am all too aware of the idea of 'new life', Jesus tells a man he can be born again and Paul talks of the 'new life' a person finds when they decide to follow Jesus. This was an experience I had 30 years ago (I was 46 this week) when I decided to become a Christian at the age of 16. For me there was much 'unpacking' of what this means and as I journey on trying to follow Jesus there is still much 'unpacking' of meaning and understanding.
The idea of a 'new life' suggests the idea of an 'old' one, aspects of our lives that we are not helpful, that we are not proud of or want to move on from, stuff 'packed away' or 'boxed up'. To take the example of my study and garage if I gather too many boxes then both places will become uninhabitable, not fit for their purpose or intention. So there is a place for sorting our 'stuff' and sorting the 'stuff' of out lives and deciding whether it still serves a purpose or whether it impinges on what we might be.
So as we move I will keep re-evaluating the stuff in my boxes and the stuff in my life - deciding what must be dumped and what might be recycled. I think the real key to the 'new life' that the Bible talks about though isn't focussed on what is wrong or should be disposed of but much about what new opportunities and experiences we have when we clear a bit of space, maybe this is what prayer is.
Now I think I will go through my LPs and see what can be done.
Wednesday 24 October 2012
God put a smile on my face
So whilst out running recently I decided to experiment on passers-by,
a piece of social research, something that would try to interact with everyone
that I met, something that would try and force a response as I ran by. Before
you get too concerned it was as simple as this; I would smile at everyone who
looked up and say hello. If they didn’t look up then I would say ‘good morning’
and when they looked up I would smile – simples!
Unfortunately I lost count of exactly how many people I passed;
it was more than forty and EVERY single one smiled back (well actually there
were two teenage lads together, with headphones in and heads down who didn’t
even notice me – so they don’t count!). Now usually when out running a (very) small
percentage of people make eye contact and smile first. This particular morning,
my plan meant that they would already meet my gleaming smile. For most people
though their faces were without emotion, just getting on with life. It was
brilliant to see the smiles that came back and as I ran it became more and
more intriguing that this response was repeated over and over.
Now those that know me well also know that I am not a huge
fan of running, I do it as a discipline and running is hard, it hurts, I
am usually more likely to grimace rather than smile. The funny thing was, is that
as the smiles were reciprocated, I actually found it quite fun and had a little
chuckle to myself. I think it made the running a little less painful and
brightened my day a little. Now I can’t speak for the people who returned the
smile, I have no idea what their days were like but I am naïve enough to
believe that their smile, returned to me, however transitory might have
brightened their day too.
Whilst not a massive Coldplay fan, as I thought about the
concept of the reciprocation of smiles, I was reminded of Chris Martin's lyrics
to ‘God put a smile on my face’ and I was delighted that the final verse
concludes with ‘…put a smile on your face’. Again we have some reciprocation, a
connection, a sharing.
As a Christian there is a danger that my smile might be smug
or sickly serene as if what I have is mine and goes no further. The reality is
that there are times in life when I grimace like everyone else (and not just
when I run), being a Christian doesn’t mean that my life is a bed of roses. The
other side of that is that I see my life in a different context, perhaps the
hymn ‘O love that will not let me go’
articulates this context well:
O Joy that seekest me
through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
The idea of God putting a smile on my face might seem a
little arrogant, yet I believe he has and that there are more reasons to smile than
to grimace. It might also seem arrogant to think that my smile might make a
difference, however small. All that said it won’t stop me trying. So…
if you see me out
running please smile, even if I am grimacing, I reckon I will smile back.
Sunday 16 September 2012
Overdone?
It seems so much has happened to me in the last few months, sabbatical completed, new job started, saying goodbye to people who have become like family and then the completion of the marathon. I can hardly believe that I typed that, I can hardly believe that I did actually completed it.
The thing that has got me thinking the most is what my mother said when we got to the end, I can't remember exactly but it was, something along the lines of 'we were really worried about you, we didn't want you to overdo it'. This is, of course, an appropriate thing to say, it was said because I am her son, she loves me and doesn't want anything bad to happen to me. My response was immediate and perhaps a little sharp, something along the lines of 'mum I see so many people "under-doing" their lives, I would rather overdo do things than take life easier'. I guess ultimately that comment and my approach is one borne from a belief that we all have so much unlocked potential and the person holding the key is invariably us. Of course we are all different and we will not all be able to do what everyone else can do, Mo Farrow runs more than twice the speed that I do and no matter how I try, unless I use a motorbike, I will never be able to go as fast as him. But maybe I can run as fast as me.
I have now started at Cranbrook and am delighted to be able to play a role in the life of the church, I have been leading collective worship (assemblies), helping with reading, RE and maths(!) and even learnt some nursery rhymes on my guitar to teach to the little ones. It has been an eye-opener and a joy. The school has at its heart a phrase that I hear daily 'be the best you can be', this can be used to affirm those who try really hard within a variety of achievements, it can also be used to those whose behaviour or attitude is not what it could be. What I particularly like about it is that each child does not have to compare themselves with another to judge success or failure, it is about applying themselves to what they are doing and doing their very best. Best of all the children respond well by trying harder and coping when things don't go how they want them.
So I think that I am a committed 'over-doer', I want and probably always have wanted to be 'the best that I can be'. As a Christian that means I am a follower of Jesus, a man who lived an amazing, forgiving and dare I say 'perfect' life. Me trying to be like that can only end in failure just as I will never run like Mo Farrow. Yet in Jesus I see a man who was the best that he could be. Maybe that is how I should live my life, not to be like Jesus in what he did but how he lived; and to take the God given me and make the best of it. And if that means I 'Over-do' things then I guess that is just the way it is.
The thing that has got me thinking the most is what my mother said when we got to the end, I can't remember exactly but it was, something along the lines of 'we were really worried about you, we didn't want you to overdo it'. This is, of course, an appropriate thing to say, it was said because I am her son, she loves me and doesn't want anything bad to happen to me. My response was immediate and perhaps a little sharp, something along the lines of 'mum I see so many people "under-doing" their lives, I would rather overdo do things than take life easier'. I guess ultimately that comment and my approach is one borne from a belief that we all have so much unlocked potential and the person holding the key is invariably us. Of course we are all different and we will not all be able to do what everyone else can do, Mo Farrow runs more than twice the speed that I do and no matter how I try, unless I use a motorbike, I will never be able to go as fast as him. But maybe I can run as fast as me.
I have now started at Cranbrook and am delighted to be able to play a role in the life of the church, I have been leading collective worship (assemblies), helping with reading, RE and maths(!) and even learnt some nursery rhymes on my guitar to teach to the little ones. It has been an eye-opener and a joy. The school has at its heart a phrase that I hear daily 'be the best you can be', this can be used to affirm those who try really hard within a variety of achievements, it can also be used to those whose behaviour or attitude is not what it could be. What I particularly like about it is that each child does not have to compare themselves with another to judge success or failure, it is about applying themselves to what they are doing and doing their very best. Best of all the children respond well by trying harder and coping when things don't go how they want them.
So I think that I am a committed 'over-doer', I want and probably always have wanted to be 'the best that I can be'. As a Christian that means I am a follower of Jesus, a man who lived an amazing, forgiving and dare I say 'perfect' life. Me trying to be like that can only end in failure just as I will never run like Mo Farrow. Yet in Jesus I see a man who was the best that he could be. Maybe that is how I should live my life, not to be like Jesus in what he did but how he lived; and to take the God given me and make the best of it. And if that means I 'Over-do' things then I guess that is just the way it is.
Sunday 24 June 2012
Definitely not the best father in the world
A week has passed since Father's day and my father's present, ordered from America, still has not arrived (sorry dad). He would say that the best present was spending the weekend together, I am inclined to agree as all my girls were here too. One thing I can never bring myself to do is to write 'to the best ... in the world' this is true of my father, mother, wife and children and I have to check the cards to make sure that they don't make this empty statement. It is not to say that I undervalue those whom I love but to say you are the best father is the world would be just about impossible to me. I have checked my cards, home-made by my girls, and I am delighted to say that although they are lovely sentiments they have learnt from me .. there if not a single 'best' amongst them.
Now you might suggest that I am a bit of a cold fish about this and you might be right, however with any statement I make I try to make sure that is is honest and it is true, it is about integrity- well-meaning inaccuracy, however well intentioned is just not good enough.Actually if I call my father 'the best in the world' or if my children (now that they are old enough to understand) did the same to me then it almost undervalues the true relationship.Of course in some senses I am the best father to my children, as I am their only father. That logic also means I am the worst father, that is certainly not true!
Today Sharon and I completed the Torbay half marathon, two laps taking in Paignton and Torquay, great atmosphere and perfect weather. I did not win the £400 first prize and neither did I come last, I was not best nor worst and yet I did beat my previous best time by something like 2 mins - yes a PB! It is not much and due to technical difficulties the race organisers have yet to publish the results, but this was the best I had ever run, I still think that there were a thousand people before me.
One of the problems with me calling my dad 'the best dad' is that it makes the statement relative (forgive the pun); as if being 'the best dad' was a competition and the best being the only winner and by default making the rest losers. Yet today, despite hundreds ahead of me I WAS a winner, I have a medal to prove it and no one can take away from me, that, today I ran the best I have ever run.
I try to be the best dad I can be and I reckon that is all I can do, I am also thankful that my father gave his best to me so that I would not do him the injustice of calling him 'the best dad in the world'.
Now you might suggest that I am a bit of a cold fish about this and you might be right, however with any statement I make I try to make sure that is is honest and it is true, it is about integrity- well-meaning inaccuracy, however well intentioned is just not good enough.Actually if I call my father 'the best in the world' or if my children (now that they are old enough to understand) did the same to me then it almost undervalues the true relationship.Of course in some senses I am the best father to my children, as I am their only father. That logic also means I am the worst father, that is certainly not true!
Today Sharon and I completed the Torbay half marathon, two laps taking in Paignton and Torquay, great atmosphere and perfect weather. I did not win the £400 first prize and neither did I come last, I was not best nor worst and yet I did beat my previous best time by something like 2 mins - yes a PB! It is not much and due to technical difficulties the race organisers have yet to publish the results, but this was the best I had ever run, I still think that there were a thousand people before me.
One of the problems with me calling my dad 'the best dad' is that it makes the statement relative (forgive the pun); as if being 'the best dad' was a competition and the best being the only winner and by default making the rest losers. Yet today, despite hundreds ahead of me I WAS a winner, I have a medal to prove it and no one can take away from me, that, today I ran the best I have ever run.
I try to be the best dad I can be and I reckon that is all I can do, I am also thankful that my father gave his best to me so that I would not do him the injustice of calling him 'the best dad in the world'.
Monday 18 June 2012
Running faster than the speed limit
Friday was a ten mile run, the last 'long' run before the Torbay half marathon. Running back from Broadclyst towards Pinhoe there is an electronic sign that flashes 'slow down' if you go faster that 30 miles per hour. As Sharon and I ran towards it, uphill, it flashed at us. First a moment of astonishment, then wonderment and a flash of pride, at this rate we could each run the Olympic marathon winning gold medals in the men's and women's events respectively, smashing both world records. As I looked over my shoulder to smile at Sharon, half a pace behind, a motorbike sped by. The warning signal, taken not as a warning by us but as a marker of our athletic prowess and achievement, was not for us, it was coincidental. I suspect that the guy on the motorbike was likely going too fast to spot the sign that was actually for him.
It has been a funny few weeks, my application for the job of minister of Cranbrook was successful, and I start the position at the end of August. It all feels like a bit of a dream, I genuinely never expected to get the job and, as a result, kept as quiet as I could about it. Now that the reality has set in and I know that my ten year association with Wonford and my new link with Lymspstone will come to an end it all feels rather surreal. It is also all going to happen very quickly. I wish that there was some way that I could have given more notice, flashed a warning sign. I didn't because I didn't feel that I would get the job so now feel a little guilty. This is all exacerbated by my still being on sabbatical and my inability to convey my thoughts and feelings personally as the two congregations also start to come to terms with what this all means.
But then there is this, and I am reluctant to say it for I am loathed to think that God might treat me any better than anyone else (in fact I am sure that he doesn't). Yet I am compelled to say it. If I am honest I can see God's hand in all that has happened to bring us to this place; and this place, and that feeling that God has a plan for us is immensely exciting and immensely humbling. As I look back over the last few years of my ministry, with all of its interesting twists and turns, it seems that I have been prepared in a way that I could not have anticipated nor dreamed of planning. I can see God's hand in this, I really can.
But am I reading the right signs? Are the lights flashing for me or do they just flash with what coincides with where I am? Ultimately this question is impossible to answer, the element of subjectivity disallows anyone from seeing the world from my perspective. So that is what I must do, see the world from my perspective. And I see God's hand in this and to deny what I see would be to deny my experience and ultimately to deny me. I am reminded by Isaiah 6:5 "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."
And so I stand, as one unclean and unworthy, yet for what I have seen I am thankful, for it is what I have seen. And for what is to come I am hopeful, for Wonford, for Lympstone, and for Cranbrook.
It has been a funny few weeks, my application for the job of minister of Cranbrook was successful, and I start the position at the end of August. It all feels like a bit of a dream, I genuinely never expected to get the job and, as a result, kept as quiet as I could about it. Now that the reality has set in and I know that my ten year association with Wonford and my new link with Lymspstone will come to an end it all feels rather surreal. It is also all going to happen very quickly. I wish that there was some way that I could have given more notice, flashed a warning sign. I didn't because I didn't feel that I would get the job so now feel a little guilty. This is all exacerbated by my still being on sabbatical and my inability to convey my thoughts and feelings personally as the two congregations also start to come to terms with what this all means.
But then there is this, and I am reluctant to say it for I am loathed to think that God might treat me any better than anyone else (in fact I am sure that he doesn't). Yet I am compelled to say it. If I am honest I can see God's hand in all that has happened to bring us to this place; and this place, and that feeling that God has a plan for us is immensely exciting and immensely humbling. As I look back over the last few years of my ministry, with all of its interesting twists and turns, it seems that I have been prepared in a way that I could not have anticipated nor dreamed of planning. I can see God's hand in this, I really can.
But am I reading the right signs? Are the lights flashing for me or do they just flash with what coincides with where I am? Ultimately this question is impossible to answer, the element of subjectivity disallows anyone from seeing the world from my perspective. So that is what I must do, see the world from my perspective. And I see God's hand in this and to deny what I see would be to deny my experience and ultimately to deny me. I am reminded by Isaiah 6:5 "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."
And so I stand, as one unclean and unworthy, yet for what I have seen I am thankful, for it is what I have seen. And for what is to come I am hopeful, for Wonford, for Lympstone, and for Cranbrook.
Friday 25 May 2012
Reaching for the long knife
Where did it come from, this festering tool of eatery, this odious pustule of tableware?
We think it belongs to someone else who left it here, well can that someone else please own up and come and collect it NOW! Please!
So what is my particular problem with this particular knife? Intrinsically it is fine, in amongst its own kind it might be considered 'normal' but here it stands out as different because.. ahem it is different.
During my MBTI (Myers-Briggs) training I learnt that MBTI works on an understanding of a theory by Carl Jung that we are a psychological 'type' and we live our lives understanding and developing the aspects of who we are. This might be about how we make decisions, gather information, live in the external world or where we draw our energy from. The point is that when we choose to operate one way there is a choice that we don't take, a way that we could use, and others use effectively, but we choose not to, most of the time.
I want you to stop reading and do something: cross your arms, now uncross them and cross them the other way. People usually describe the first way as: easy, normal, natural, comfortable and the second way as 'I had to think about it', unnatural, difficult, weird etc. The point is that both ways are acceptable and both ways are as good as each other, yet nearly always we will choose one way over the other, there is something innate that makes us choose acting one way over the other. The many 'short knives' in my canteen of cutlery represent the frequency with which I operate within my preference.
This 'preference' is true for most of the time, the reality is though that there are times when we do choose 'the long knife' and Jung says we often do this in a stressful, or difficult situation; when we are outside of our comfort zone and our normal mode of operation seems not be effective - his technical term is 'in the grip'. In the sea of usual responses something happens that jolts us into an 'atypical' reaction, the 'long knife', alien and awkward thrusts itself towards us and we grab it and wield it often immaturely and without precision.
Much of my training has been to allow me to understand myself, of course that 'long knife' in its 'home' canteen of cutlery would not stand out itself but would be quite normal for another, the issue, for me, is in its difference.
I am also aware that the 'long knife' can be used to do untold damage or to spread jam and clotted cream on a scone, the same knife.
... but I still hope somebody takes it away and puts it back where is should be!
Saturday 12 May 2012
Homeward Bond
On Thursday, 4 days after the half marathon, I got on a train to Exmouth and ran home. From my previous post you might remember that the Great West Run was about getting ready to run further not faster, I wanted to get out and see if I had ten miles in my legs and the only way I could get my head around it was to force myself, to literally run home.
Robin Harvie in his book 'Why we run:a story of obsession' presents his whole thesis on the inbuilt desire we have to return to a place of comfort, safety and familiarity. As he trained for increasingly long distances he found that the only way he could persuade his body to continue was to give it a goal - going home.
Paul Simon's evocative and poignant song 'Homeward Bound' Full lyrics eloquently tells, in words and music, of a longing for resolution, it reminds the traveller that there is a disconnectedness with that which satisfies, comforts and sustains as long as we are away from home. The language he chooses tells of that dissatisfied dislocation, his journeying is articulated as endless, mediocre, strangers, emptiness and lacking in comfort - his wish and resolution is a return to that which is known, that which is home.
I do hope that Paul Simon won't sue me for my changing of his masterpiece of longing, removing 'u' from 'bound' reminded me of this innate, intuitive and instinctive pull within each of us to return; indeed a 'bond', much like elastic, stretched away from its source, that longs to be let go, pinging back to its origins.
This week amidst the many good things that have happened there have been two points of great sadness: I learnt of the death of my brother-in-law's mum, 'Val' and also 'Ada', a long standing member of my church at Wonford. Both had been ill for some time, both in many senses were expected to die yet the shock and the loss so heartfelt, not least to the families left behind to grieve.
As a minister, people often make assumptions of my beliefs, often in times of loss people talk of loved ones being 'reunited in heaven' or 'looking down on us', heaven has been characterised in many ways and although I will not say these characterisations are wrong this is not the language I would choose.
If you will excuse the rather crude analogy, it seems that from the moment of our conception we are on an elastic band stretched out over our 'three score years and ten', or however long we get; and one day there will be a 'ping' and the lives that we live will end, there should be no shock in this. Might it be that our 'pinging' is a 'back to' and the place we go back to is 'home'; that as we die we are drawn back into that which created us, that conceived us, that imagined us before we were born Psalm 139:13. That all the striving and strangeness and emptiness and aching that Paul Simon articulates so eloquently is resolved in returning to the place of comfort, of laughter, of peace and love when we are truly 'at home'.
My prayers are with the friends and families of Val and Ada over these coming days. When I ran from Exmouth on Thursday my phone temporarily broke, no music, my usual companions, no idea how fast I was running, or what the time was. That sense of 'disconnectedness' from the norm gave me time to, think, to pray, to reflect on 'journeying' as I ran towards my destination - 'Home'.
Robin Harvie in his book 'Why we run:a story of obsession' presents his whole thesis on the inbuilt desire we have to return to a place of comfort, safety and familiarity. As he trained for increasingly long distances he found that the only way he could persuade his body to continue was to give it a goal - going home.
Paul Simon's evocative and poignant song 'Homeward Bound' Full lyrics eloquently tells, in words and music, of a longing for resolution, it reminds the traveller that there is a disconnectedness with that which satisfies, comforts and sustains as long as we are away from home. The language he chooses tells of that dissatisfied dislocation, his journeying is articulated as endless, mediocre, strangers, emptiness and lacking in comfort - his wish and resolution is a return to that which is known, that which is home.
I do hope that Paul Simon won't sue me for my changing of his masterpiece of longing, removing 'u' from 'bound' reminded me of this innate, intuitive and instinctive pull within each of us to return; indeed a 'bond', much like elastic, stretched away from its source, that longs to be let go, pinging back to its origins.
This week amidst the many good things that have happened there have been two points of great sadness: I learnt of the death of my brother-in-law's mum, 'Val' and also 'Ada', a long standing member of my church at Wonford. Both had been ill for some time, both in many senses were expected to die yet the shock and the loss so heartfelt, not least to the families left behind to grieve.
As a minister, people often make assumptions of my beliefs, often in times of loss people talk of loved ones being 'reunited in heaven' or 'looking down on us', heaven has been characterised in many ways and although I will not say these characterisations are wrong this is not the language I would choose.
If you will excuse the rather crude analogy, it seems that from the moment of our conception we are on an elastic band stretched out over our 'three score years and ten', or however long we get; and one day there will be a 'ping' and the lives that we live will end, there should be no shock in this. Might it be that our 'pinging' is a 'back to' and the place we go back to is 'home'; that as we die we are drawn back into that which created us, that conceived us, that imagined us before we were born Psalm 139:13. That all the striving and strangeness and emptiness and aching that Paul Simon articulates so eloquently is resolved in returning to the place of comfort, of laughter, of peace and love when we are truly 'at home'.
My prayers are with the friends and families of Val and Ada over these coming days. When I ran from Exmouth on Thursday my phone temporarily broke, no music, my usual companions, no idea how fast I was running, or what the time was. That sense of 'disconnectedness' from the norm gave me time to, think, to pray, to reflect on 'journeying' as I ran towards my destination - 'Home'.
Tuesday 8 May 2012
Failure
When I (re)started this blog in April I set out my stall with a number of words and ideas that I might return to to reflect on further. I knew, at some time, I would have to consider 'failure' and now seems a good a time as any to deal with it.
First of all I am a failure - I didn't win, sorry to disappoint anyone.
I completed the Great West Run in 2 hours and 19 minutes, I hoped to achieve 2:10 or beat my best of 2:16. I failed to get to my goal, I failed to get to my pb. Then come the excuses: it was a wonderful day, I have the sunburn to prove it, but very hot to run in. I think I also drank too much beforehand and had to make a quick stop at Pinhoe Road Baptist church much to the surprise of the steward who escorted me to their facilities and back on my way. This definitely made a difference to my time. I actually took twice as long as the winner, but maybe those are excuses.
I suppose before I assign the word 'failure' to my run or indeed myself I really should reflect upon what it means and what it is I am trying to achieve. I will never forget Mark Wakelin talking about 'the language of strategy' and his distinction between 'outputs' and 'outcomes'. Essentially outputs are within your direct control, outcomes are more reliant on others. It means you can set your goal 'outcome' and then undertake a number of activities, outputs, in order to try to achieve it.
Actually my goal (outcome) was never to win the race, nor was it to beat my PB or do 2:10; my goal is to see what it is like to train for a marathon, to do the things that a person needs to do to prepare themselves for such a thing, various outputs: regular training, diet, sleep, cross training, increasingly longer runs, mental prep, discipline etc. These are my outputs, and within my control and I am doing these things!
My goal is not to run faster but to run further, I am getting better at this, it is hard, but I can do it and I am trying.
To say that I failed in any way this weekend is actually a complete misrepresentation, maybe real failure is not even trying and that is not me, I really am trying. I actually came 1399th and they even gave me a medal. Below is a picture of four of us from the good number that entered from Wonford Methodist church, all finishing. May I pay special tribute to my good friend Bill Noronha, who despite painful cramps and only recently taking up running finished his 13.1 mile journey - Bill you are amazing and an inspiration.
Susan, Bill, Mark, Sharon
So I have dealt with failure. I will set out my goal (outcomes) and not make them too low, and I will do my part (outputs) in attempting to achieve them. Perhaps most of all I will stop assigning the word 'failure' too readily , for its fear does not lighten the load. Instead I will take that which is within my grasp and keep applying it, keep trying, knowing that in doing so, failure is, by my new definition, impossible.
First of all I am a failure - I didn't win, sorry to disappoint anyone.
I completed the Great West Run in 2 hours and 19 minutes, I hoped to achieve 2:10 or beat my best of 2:16. I failed to get to my goal, I failed to get to my pb. Then come the excuses: it was a wonderful day, I have the sunburn to prove it, but very hot to run in. I think I also drank too much beforehand and had to make a quick stop at Pinhoe Road Baptist church much to the surprise of the steward who escorted me to their facilities and back on my way. This definitely made a difference to my time. I actually took twice as long as the winner, but maybe those are excuses.
I suppose before I assign the word 'failure' to my run or indeed myself I really should reflect upon what it means and what it is I am trying to achieve. I will never forget Mark Wakelin talking about 'the language of strategy' and his distinction between 'outputs' and 'outcomes'. Essentially outputs are within your direct control, outcomes are more reliant on others. It means you can set your goal 'outcome' and then undertake a number of activities, outputs, in order to try to achieve it.
Actually my goal (outcome) was never to win the race, nor was it to beat my PB or do 2:10; my goal is to see what it is like to train for a marathon, to do the things that a person needs to do to prepare themselves for such a thing, various outputs: regular training, diet, sleep, cross training, increasingly longer runs, mental prep, discipline etc. These are my outputs, and within my control and I am doing these things!
My goal is not to run faster but to run further, I am getting better at this, it is hard, but I can do it and I am trying.
To say that I failed in any way this weekend is actually a complete misrepresentation, maybe real failure is not even trying and that is not me, I really am trying. I actually came 1399th and they even gave me a medal. Below is a picture of four of us from the good number that entered from Wonford Methodist church, all finishing. May I pay special tribute to my good friend Bill Noronha, who despite painful cramps and only recently taking up running finished his 13.1 mile journey - Bill you are amazing and an inspiration.
So I have dealt with failure. I will set out my goal (outcomes) and not make them too low, and I will do my part (outputs) in attempting to achieve them. Perhaps most of all I will stop assigning the word 'failure' too readily , for its fear does not lighten the load. Instead I will take that which is within my grasp and keep applying it, keep trying, knowing that in doing so, failure is, by my new definition, impossible.
Wednesday 2 May 2012
Human contagion
It seems that so many things are coming together in my life at the moment. I have my Myers Briggs exams on Friday where I present my field work research, undertake an observed assessment and have to get 80% in a written exam. I think I am ready but a little anxious too.
This weekend is also the Great West Run with Sharon an myself using it to gauge and improve our fitness as we continue to prepare for the marathon. I think I am ready for 13.2 miles and if I did it in 2hr10min I would be delighted. Sponsor us here
The Methodist Circuit I belong to has also started to look at the books of Acts, in its preaching, bible studies and in a daily pod cast throughout May View here I recorded mine in a secret location last night for transmission on Monday 7th.
Also I have been reading Natasha's (my eldest daughter's) dissertation, immensely proud and impressed as to her learning and application over these last three years.
And on Monday I gave blood, my 18th donation (I was a late starter),
I have entitled this 'human contagion' to echo a phrase used by Fr Richard Rohr as he described the way in which love becomes actuated and 'real' when it is offered and received in a way that is affirming and empowering reciprocally. There is something about where I am and the things before me and behind me that this resonates with, the things that we do, like seeds sown, are part of who we are, aspects that are 'offered'. We make these offerings, hopefully with good intentions, sometimes out of love, yet as we make them we can only hope that they will be received as such, that part of our 'doing' might be received in an act that is seen as love. A contagion.
I don't know where my 'doings' will end up, my blood should get some use if I don't get a cold in the next two weeks, my training should get me around Exeter and who knows beyond. The Acts Podcasts are 'out there' offered as an idea, but who knows if anyone is watching or they are of any use. Natasha's education, once completed, can lead down many roads, yet still full of so many possibilities. My Myers Briggs training similarly with its host of possible encounters, sharing a journey of learning with others as I continue to learn about myself.
So lots of things have come together, I 'do' because I enjoy 'doing' and because it is part of what I see as allowing me to become the best I can be, the way God shaped me to be. As I 'do' I hope two things, one that the things I do might be of use, received, caught, understood. Secondly and perhaps more importantly that the way I do what I do might be a contagion and one that is reciprocated. I think I am ready but maybe a little anxious too.
This weekend is also the Great West Run with Sharon an myself using it to gauge and improve our fitness as we continue to prepare for the marathon. I think I am ready for 13.2 miles and if I did it in 2hr10min I would be delighted. Sponsor us here
The Methodist Circuit I belong to has also started to look at the books of Acts, in its preaching, bible studies and in a daily pod cast throughout May View here I recorded mine in a secret location last night for transmission on Monday 7th.
Also I have been reading Natasha's (my eldest daughter's) dissertation, immensely proud and impressed as to her learning and application over these last three years.
And on Monday I gave blood, my 18th donation (I was a late starter),
I have entitled this 'human contagion' to echo a phrase used by Fr Richard Rohr as he described the way in which love becomes actuated and 'real' when it is offered and received in a way that is affirming and empowering reciprocally. There is something about where I am and the things before me and behind me that this resonates with, the things that we do, like seeds sown, are part of who we are, aspects that are 'offered'. We make these offerings, hopefully with good intentions, sometimes out of love, yet as we make them we can only hope that they will be received as such, that part of our 'doing' might be received in an act that is seen as love. A contagion.
I don't know where my 'doings' will end up, my blood should get some use if I don't get a cold in the next two weeks, my training should get me around Exeter and who knows beyond. The Acts Podcasts are 'out there' offered as an idea, but who knows if anyone is watching or they are of any use. Natasha's education, once completed, can lead down many roads, yet still full of so many possibilities. My Myers Briggs training similarly with its host of possible encounters, sharing a journey of learning with others as I continue to learn about myself.
So lots of things have come together, I 'do' because I enjoy 'doing' and because it is part of what I see as allowing me to become the best I can be, the way God shaped me to be. As I 'do' I hope two things, one that the things I do might be of use, received, caught, understood. Secondly and perhaps more importantly that the way I do what I do might be a contagion and one that is reciprocated. I think I am ready but maybe a little anxious too.
Friday 27 April 2012
Dealing with the dark side
Let's face it, to misquote Morrisey 'some days are better than others', life is just like that. Sometimes circumstances, sometimes the people around us, sometimes the things that happen or the things we do mean the way we feel is affected and life can become tough. Sadness, fear, anxiety, guilt, anger, insignificance are all feelings and, if we are honest, all feelings we all have from time to time. As a result 'some days are better than others' and some days we would rather forget.
I have been thinking about Claire Squires quite a lot recently and today, the total money raised is now above one million pounds. Brian Draper's article for the BBC news magazine has been a helpful response for me BBC News article here as he tries to articulate how a nation responds to such a sad and seemingly meaningless loss. Those sponsoring Claire are 'joining in' with the narrative, becoming the story and re-articulating the story. The darkness, Claire's untimely death, is not eradicated yet a glimpse of meaning can be found, on a practical basis people will benefit from the additional work that the Samaritan's can now undertake and Claire's family and boyfriend will stand even prouder as they are upheld in a nation's outpouring of support. Feelings of grief and sadness and loss are not lessened but theses actions offer a glimmer of hope or light.
Earlier this week I went to visit Sister Ann Sullivan, she is a renowned expert of MBTI and Jungian theory and a most perceptive person. I was privileged to spend a few hours with her on a one to one basis and I have been given much to think about. Maybe for now just this one thought, Ann asked me what was wrong with anger, after me wriggling a bit and trying to answer she responded 'there is nothing wrong with anger it can be used to dig the garden you know', this is so obvious and yet so incisive, the feelings that we all have are not intrinsically wrong, even on those dark days, it really does depend on what we do with them. How might our 'shadow-side' or even our 'dark-side' be used in a way that is helpful and dare I say beneficial?
I have been thinking about Claire Squires quite a lot recently and today, the total money raised is now above one million pounds. Brian Draper's article for the BBC news magazine has been a helpful response for me BBC News article here as he tries to articulate how a nation responds to such a sad and seemingly meaningless loss. Those sponsoring Claire are 'joining in' with the narrative, becoming the story and re-articulating the story. The darkness, Claire's untimely death, is not eradicated yet a glimpse of meaning can be found, on a practical basis people will benefit from the additional work that the Samaritan's can now undertake and Claire's family and boyfriend will stand even prouder as they are upheld in a nation's outpouring of support. Feelings of grief and sadness and loss are not lessened but theses actions offer a glimmer of hope or light.
Earlier this week I went to visit Sister Ann Sullivan, she is a renowned expert of MBTI and Jungian theory and a most perceptive person. I was privileged to spend a few hours with her on a one to one basis and I have been given much to think about. Maybe for now just this one thought, Ann asked me what was wrong with anger, after me wriggling a bit and trying to answer she responded 'there is nothing wrong with anger it can be used to dig the garden you know', this is so obvious and yet so incisive, the feelings that we all have are not intrinsically wrong, even on those dark days, it really does depend on what we do with them. How might our 'shadow-side' or even our 'dark-side' be used in a way that is helpful and dare I say beneficial?
Sunday 22 April 2012
Inspired perspiration
This week has been a brilliant week. I joined a gym, completing 4 sessions, I have started my MBTI coursework and run the best part of 12 miles with Sharon on Friday. I have also finished reading Mary Webb's 'Precious Bane'.
The second week of my sabbatical is over, yesterday was my rest day from exercise, my 'sabbath/shabbat. Rest days are actually just as important as exercise days, they allow the exercised muscle to reknit so are essential in any training regime. I decided to take my rest day yesterday because I really wanted to watch the London marathon today and decided to train for as long as the men's race ran. The TVs at the gym allowed me to watch and plug into the sound system available whilst on the machines and listen to the radio on my phone whilst on the weights
I have to say that I absolutely loved it! 30 minutes warm-up on the bike and cross-trainer, followed by 30ish minutes on weights and core exercises a 7 mile, hour long, run on the treadmill using Fartlek I really wasn't sure how I would find a treadmill but have been advised to do at least one of my runs a week 'off-road' and it seems not only is it easier it is also better for the joints, I ended up doing some more quad work (these are the thigh muscles that I need to work on to help my knee problem) and finally warming down.
The two hours flew by and I could have stayed longer. When I think of how unfit I had become I am amazed - I am not sure that if 5 years ago you had told me that I would be doing what I am doing now, that I would have believed you. I am not saying that what I am doing now is impossible, for axiomatically it isn't, yet then it would have seemed so far out of reach that I would have considered it so unlikely I wouldn't have even tried, making it - effectively not attainable and therefore not possible.
Recently my youngest daughter, Kira, who is 15 has amazed me. A couple of weeks ago she decided that she wanted to get a little more in trim. She decided to go for a run and went twice around the park, around a mile. I, being the mean and heartless father that I am, told her that was next to useless and that she really needed to do a 30 stint, she could walk some of it until she got better but 30 minutes should be the goal. She also decided to go swimming once a week and I (who knows nothing about swimming) told her that it would be useless to splash around in the pool for and hour and that if she was serious then she should do forty lengths (see I told you I was mean and heartless).
Kira is now running three times a week and has run 27 miles in the last three weeks, she has been swimming twice, forty lengths the first time and forty two the second. She just decided to give it a go and I am REALLY proud not just of the achievement but her application and discipline. REALLY proud. I am sure that I have inspired her, as Sharon also has, the unanticipated payback is that she has also inspired me.
About 20 years ago I watched the close of the London marathon and witnessed something that moves me and inspires me to this day. One woman, utterly exhausted and hardly able to stand, literally staggered the last few hundred metres to the finishing line, surrounded by stewards as she crossed the line. The utter strength of will of that woman has made an indelible mark upon my memory, her persistence to the seemingly impossible task, yet she did it. The memory of that woman still inspires me today.
I return to Bristol tomorrow, for three days, for further MBTI training, specifically about 'Shadow-side', dealing with that part of us that is less well developed yet, almost by definition, is brimming with possibility.
The second week of my sabbatical is over, yesterday was my rest day from exercise, my 'sabbath/shabbat. Rest days are actually just as important as exercise days, they allow the exercised muscle to reknit so are essential in any training regime. I decided to take my rest day yesterday because I really wanted to watch the London marathon today and decided to train for as long as the men's race ran. The TVs at the gym allowed me to watch and plug into the sound system available whilst on the machines and listen to the radio on my phone whilst on the weights
I have to say that I absolutely loved it! 30 minutes warm-up on the bike and cross-trainer, followed by 30ish minutes on weights and core exercises a 7 mile, hour long, run on the treadmill using Fartlek I really wasn't sure how I would find a treadmill but have been advised to do at least one of my runs a week 'off-road' and it seems not only is it easier it is also better for the joints, I ended up doing some more quad work (these are the thigh muscles that I need to work on to help my knee problem) and finally warming down.
The two hours flew by and I could have stayed longer. When I think of how unfit I had become I am amazed - I am not sure that if 5 years ago you had told me that I would be doing what I am doing now, that I would have believed you. I am not saying that what I am doing now is impossible, for axiomatically it isn't, yet then it would have seemed so far out of reach that I would have considered it so unlikely I wouldn't have even tried, making it - effectively not attainable and therefore not possible.
Recently my youngest daughter, Kira, who is 15 has amazed me. A couple of weeks ago she decided that she wanted to get a little more in trim. She decided to go for a run and went twice around the park, around a mile. I, being the mean and heartless father that I am, told her that was next to useless and that she really needed to do a 30 stint, she could walk some of it until she got better but 30 minutes should be the goal. She also decided to go swimming once a week and I (who knows nothing about swimming) told her that it would be useless to splash around in the pool for and hour and that if she was serious then she should do forty lengths (see I told you I was mean and heartless).
Kira is now running three times a week and has run 27 miles in the last three weeks, she has been swimming twice, forty lengths the first time and forty two the second. She just decided to give it a go and I am REALLY proud not just of the achievement but her application and discipline. REALLY proud. I am sure that I have inspired her, as Sharon also has, the unanticipated payback is that she has also inspired me.
About 20 years ago I watched the close of the London marathon and witnessed something that moves me and inspires me to this day. One woman, utterly exhausted and hardly able to stand, literally staggered the last few hundred metres to the finishing line, surrounded by stewards as she crossed the line. The utter strength of will of that woman has made an indelible mark upon my memory, her persistence to the seemingly impossible task, yet she did it. The memory of that woman still inspires me today.
I return to Bristol tomorrow, for three days, for further MBTI training, specifically about 'Shadow-side', dealing with that part of us that is less well developed yet, almost by definition, is brimming with possibility.
Thursday 19 April 2012
I wanted to be a lumberjack
I Visited 'gym' again today, his demands are becoming harder to meet, he
introduced me to weights today, Dani (the very helpful sports coach)
showed me how weights could make every part of me scream in pain whilst
she smiled and said it was good for me. I have done quads, core, gluts
(!) triceps, biceps, lower and upper back and shoulders - I do hope this makes
me run better, even if it doesn't it really is an interesting experience. I have only been there three times and already I see that there is a sense of community, there are nods and smiles and a bit of occasional showing off. Some people take it easy, others seem to push themselves to the limit, one guy was there for an hour and I reckon he will go home and explain to his wife that he been down the gym for an hour, I reckon he spent at least 45 minutes chatting and doing no exercise at all! Today was particularly humbling because as I was trying to take in the various machines and remember settings and what each did, I was followed by a lady who, like me, was also learning, except she was blind, I must learn to grumble less and be thankful more.
Which brings me onto why I wanted to be a lumberjack, well actually I don't and never have. 'The Lumberjack song' Monty Python - 'The Lumberjack Song' Is a comedic song written by Monty Python first performed on 14th Dec 1969 (The day my sister was born!) various versions of the sketch start with Michael Palin, asserting that he didn't want to be a ....... (insert occupation) but instead a lumberjack, swinging from tree to tree'. It concludes with him singing 'I wish I'd been a girlie just like my dear papa', at this point the burly backing singers leave and his sweetheart departs distraught that her man is not the man she wants him to be. All very funny and comedic yet with a sense of poignancy for a number of the Monty Python cast were dealing with their own sexuality in a the country that was still coming to terms with the decriminalisation of acts of homosexuality only two years earlier.
As I was on a warm down this morning, cycling, at the gym I was watching a chat show with 4 women, (you can plug your headphones into the machine and listen), they were discussing a report which said that 70% of women did not want to end up the same physical shape as their mothers' yet 80% of them would, this was all down to their genes, the genetic make up had a hugely significant impact on their physical build. Most people (men and women) that I know do not want to be a lumberjack, however if they are honest most would like to be taller, slimmer, some parts smaller and some parts bigger. The MBTI theory I am studying, based on the work of Karl Jung, suggests that we are born with our temperament, it is innate, like the colour of our eyes, I might want to add 'God given'. The Psalmist says 'For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb' (Ps 139:13) but the next verse is really important 'I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, how well I know it'.
Maybe it is ok to want to be something, even a lumberjack, but perhaps more importantly we are to be thankful for who we are, with all the complexity and dare I say our perceived flaws. Maybe it is not what we are that is flawed but the way society batters us with advertising and 'flawless' celebrities that is the real issue.
For me and my sabbatical journey there is something about understanding who I am a little more, taking those raw elements, genetic and cultural and using them to be the most effective person I can be. Maybe for the church, that I am glad to be part of yet often frustrated by, it is time when we truly embraced people regardless of gender, status, colour, race and dare I say it sexuality. It seems to me that Jesus had this sorted before just about anyone, allowing each person he encountered, even those broken by illness, society's rules or even their own fault, to see that they were loved, fearfully and wonderfully made, that they were wanted, that they were of use, that they could take who they were and shape it into the person that God had made them to be.
Which brings me onto why I wanted to be a lumberjack, well actually I don't and never have. 'The Lumberjack song' Monty Python - 'The Lumberjack Song' Is a comedic song written by Monty Python first performed on 14th Dec 1969 (The day my sister was born!) various versions of the sketch start with Michael Palin, asserting that he didn't want to be a ....... (insert occupation) but instead a lumberjack, swinging from tree to tree'. It concludes with him singing 'I wish I'd been a girlie just like my dear papa', at this point the burly backing singers leave and his sweetheart departs distraught that her man is not the man she wants him to be. All very funny and comedic yet with a sense of poignancy for a number of the Monty Python cast were dealing with their own sexuality in a the country that was still coming to terms with the decriminalisation of acts of homosexuality only two years earlier.
As I was on a warm down this morning, cycling, at the gym I was watching a chat show with 4 women, (you can plug your headphones into the machine and listen), they were discussing a report which said that 70% of women did not want to end up the same physical shape as their mothers' yet 80% of them would, this was all down to their genes, the genetic make up had a hugely significant impact on their physical build. Most people (men and women) that I know do not want to be a lumberjack, however if they are honest most would like to be taller, slimmer, some parts smaller and some parts bigger. The MBTI theory I am studying, based on the work of Karl Jung, suggests that we are born with our temperament, it is innate, like the colour of our eyes, I might want to add 'God given'. The Psalmist says 'For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb' (Ps 139:13) but the next verse is really important 'I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, how well I know it'.
Maybe it is ok to want to be something, even a lumberjack, but perhaps more importantly we are to be thankful for who we are, with all the complexity and dare I say our perceived flaws. Maybe it is not what we are that is flawed but the way society batters us with advertising and 'flawless' celebrities that is the real issue.
For me and my sabbatical journey there is something about understanding who I am a little more, taking those raw elements, genetic and cultural and using them to be the most effective person I can be. Maybe for the church, that I am glad to be part of yet often frustrated by, it is time when we truly embraced people regardless of gender, status, colour, race and dare I say it sexuality. It seems to me that Jesus had this sorted before just about anyone, allowing each person he encountered, even those broken by illness, society's rules or even their own fault, to see that they were loved, fearfully and wonderfully made, that they were wanted, that they were of use, that they could take who they were and shape it into the person that God had made them to be.
Tuesday 17 April 2012
Draw Something!
One of my enduring memories as a child was drawing, my parents were always artistic and still paint and draw today and have recently started an art class with people in their 60s and 70s who have not drawn or painted since childhood, not only are they coming back every week but some of the work is really very good. I remember my father drawing things for me to colour in, those were the days when judgement on successful 'colouring in' was not on shading, cross-hatching or tones of colours but on one factor - did you keep within the lines!?
One of my hobby-horses is when someone says 'I wish I could draw', I retort 'you can', the reply 'ah I wish I could draw better' my reply (getting boring) 'you can'. I then ask when was the last time they picked up a pencil or squeezed some paint onto a board, invariably it was 10, 20,30+ years ago.
People say the same about playing the guitar or piano 'I wish I could play' I have a similar reply 'you can, just practice for 30 minutes every day for five years', you may not be the next Jools Holland or Jimmy Page but you WILL be able to play. Just how many things do we limit ourselves in because we have not tried, not practised nor not allowed ourselves the energy to have a go.
The Guardian ran an interesting article on Sunday on the latest craze sweeping the planet 'Draw-Something' http://www.guardian.co.uk/draw-something, essentially it is cyber Pictionary, a word appears on your phone/pad and you have to draw it using a limited stock of colours, it is then sent through the ether to a friend who has to guess the drawing and returns one of their own. Great hilarity ensues when you try to draw a cow, Britney Spears or one of the many possibilities the game throws at you. Here is my attempt at trying to convey 'Picasso'.
The amazing thing is is that with varying ability everyone can do it and as you see other drawings you start to learn new ideas and strategies, before you know it you are drawing and getting better at it too.
What is also interesting, from the perspective of my sabbatical, is the blank canvas 'Draw-Something' starts from and the same initial stock of colours everyone gets, despite these basic limitations everyone draws a 'cow' differently yet they are all cows and the vast majority are guessed correctly, we each bring our own (limited) ability, limited palette and media and simply do our best.
The Guardian suggests that the success of this app is that it draws(!) friends together and gives them a shared experience, a shared narrative and suggests that success in guessing is improved by how well you know the other person and they know us, again this seems to be about practice.
Yesterday I went to the gym for the VERY first time in my life, a new experience trying something brand new, something that I never dreamt I would try, having a go and seeing what it feels like, a fresh page, a blank canvas and I am still reflecting on what I am to make of it. But do you know now that I have made a start I am actually looking forward to the next session, if I am honest I am champing at the bit!
So maybe drawing inside the lines is a good pursuit when you are six or seven, my concern is the lines that guide us then start to constrain us, we want to draw something good, or play the piano brilliantly or run like a proper athlete, the lines are actually in danger of limiting us but actually stopping us before we have even made a start. Better just to have a go and see what it looks like.
One of my hobby-horses is when someone says 'I wish I could draw', I retort 'you can', the reply 'ah I wish I could draw better' my reply (getting boring) 'you can'. I then ask when was the last time they picked up a pencil or squeezed some paint onto a board, invariably it was 10, 20,30+ years ago.
People say the same about playing the guitar or piano 'I wish I could play' I have a similar reply 'you can, just practice for 30 minutes every day for five years', you may not be the next Jools Holland or Jimmy Page but you WILL be able to play. Just how many things do we limit ourselves in because we have not tried, not practised nor not allowed ourselves the energy to have a go.
The Guardian ran an interesting article on Sunday on the latest craze sweeping the planet 'Draw-Something' http://www.guardian.co.uk/draw-something, essentially it is cyber Pictionary, a word appears on your phone/pad and you have to draw it using a limited stock of colours, it is then sent through the ether to a friend who has to guess the drawing and returns one of their own. Great hilarity ensues when you try to draw a cow, Britney Spears or one of the many possibilities the game throws at you. Here is my attempt at trying to convey 'Picasso'.
The amazing thing is is that with varying ability everyone can do it and as you see other drawings you start to learn new ideas and strategies, before you know it you are drawing and getting better at it too.
What is also interesting, from the perspective of my sabbatical, is the blank canvas 'Draw-Something' starts from and the same initial stock of colours everyone gets, despite these basic limitations everyone draws a 'cow' differently yet they are all cows and the vast majority are guessed correctly, we each bring our own (limited) ability, limited palette and media and simply do our best.
The Guardian suggests that the success of this app is that it draws(!) friends together and gives them a shared experience, a shared narrative and suggests that success in guessing is improved by how well you know the other person and they know us, again this seems to be about practice.
Yesterday I went to the gym for the VERY first time in my life, a new experience trying something brand new, something that I never dreamt I would try, having a go and seeing what it feels like, a fresh page, a blank canvas and I am still reflecting on what I am to make of it. But do you know now that I have made a start I am actually looking forward to the next session, if I am honest I am champing at the bit!
So maybe drawing inside the lines is a good pursuit when you are six or seven, my concern is the lines that guide us then start to constrain us, we want to draw something good, or play the piano brilliantly or run like a proper athlete, the lines are actually in danger of limiting us but actually stopping us before we have even made a start. Better just to have a go and see what it looks like.
Sunday 15 April 2012
Stories old and new
Today was another run, my GPS differs from Sharon's by about ten percent (hers said 8.5 miles mine said 7.5 miles) -so I reckon we ran about eight miles at around 9.30 minute miles. It has got to be said we are really pleased with this and although a few aches and pains we are ok and enjoying it.Because of the way it works we have to be quite careful when we run, the idea is that you do several 'short' runs a week 3-5 miles and gradually increase your long run, ideally running a 20 miler about three weeks before the marathon so that you can 'taper off' and let your body recover. It is made more complicated by the fact that you shouldn't increase your long run every week, so you 'hop alternate' your long run. We are both in for the Great West run on 6th May so the last long run will be the week before - so I think we will aim to do an 13 miler on 20th April and and a 11 miler on 27th - For me that is running just over 2 hours.
Today we ran to the airport and back, over the new bridge across the motorway, it was perfect weather and a real pleasure to be in such amazing countryside, some people have asked to see a map of where we run so I hope that this works.
http://www.endomondo.com/workouts/48566858
I would be grateful if someone could post to let me know either way.
As I run past houses, usually in the city I often get this huge sense of the size of the world we live in, each region, area, town, street and house is inhabited by people with things going on, decisions to make, lives to live. Not only that but many of these places have been inhabited by earlier residents all with their stories to tell of love and loss, good times and bad; it was on these streets that people shared the news of war starting, or celebrating it ending. Here babies have been pushed in prams and coffins carried, here balls have been kicked and pavements etched in chalk, here postmen and women have delivered millions of letters each with their story.
So as I run I feel a connection, not only to those people who inhabit those places currently but also to the past and the host of narratives remembered and forgotten. Today we ran down country lanes so not so many houses and at the end of the run, by the airport, we came across a big yellow sign and much digging and earth turning for we hit the edge of a brand new town 'Cranbrook' soon to be populated but many thousands of people. We stopped at the edge, no more pavement, but here is to be a blank canvas, a new community without stories, at least for a while. Also full of possibilities.
Tomorrow I start at the gym, I am also doing some more work on MBTI as I undertake 2 assessments later in the week, things are exciting as I ponder the 'rest' of my sabbatical. One more piece of news I hope to be able to share quite soon is which charity Sharon and I hope to run for, and that is proving to be very pleasing too.
Today we ran to the airport and back, over the new bridge across the motorway, it was perfect weather and a real pleasure to be in such amazing countryside, some people have asked to see a map of where we run so I hope that this works.
http://www.endomondo.com/workouts/48566858
I would be grateful if someone could post to let me know either way.
As I run past houses, usually in the city I often get this huge sense of the size of the world we live in, each region, area, town, street and house is inhabited by people with things going on, decisions to make, lives to live. Not only that but many of these places have been inhabited by earlier residents all with their stories to tell of love and loss, good times and bad; it was on these streets that people shared the news of war starting, or celebrating it ending. Here babies have been pushed in prams and coffins carried, here balls have been kicked and pavements etched in chalk, here postmen and women have delivered millions of letters each with their story.
So as I run I feel a connection, not only to those people who inhabit those places currently but also to the past and the host of narratives remembered and forgotten. Today we ran down country lanes so not so many houses and at the end of the run, by the airport, we came across a big yellow sign and much digging and earth turning for we hit the edge of a brand new town 'Cranbrook' soon to be populated but many thousands of people. We stopped at the edge, no more pavement, but here is to be a blank canvas, a new community without stories, at least for a while. Also full of possibilities.
Tomorrow I start at the gym, I am also doing some more work on MBTI as I undertake 2 assessments later in the week, things are exciting as I ponder the 'rest' of my sabbatical. One more piece of news I hope to be able to share quite soon is which charity Sharon and I hope to run for, and that is proving to be very pleasing too.
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